The often neglected secret of Self development and the true measure of success in life
Growth and evolution is a natural and inevitable process of Nature. From babies we grow into teens, from teens into adults and from adulthood into old-age. This process of growth is not only physiological change but intellectual and psychological transformation as well. As we grow, our senses and mind gather information and knowledge, which are processed by the intellect, and assimilated as experiences in our life. This coherent and continuous process involving our senses, mind, and intellect forms the learning and development process in human beings through which we evolve.
A holistic self-development process is one that involves change with an end goal of maturity. Maturity however, as against the common belief, is neither a direct function of physiological change, which is gathering of knowledge on account of ageing, nor is a function of intellectual change which is accumulating knowledge of material sciences and world in general.
Maturity is a function of psychological change; it is about inner transformation to develop a self-sufficient mind which is free from all limitations and emotional dependencies, remaining equanimous amidst favourable and unfavourable situations.
It is the art of living in this world by emotionally and spiritually transforming oneself. It is maturity that brings wisdom, balance and stability needed to conduct one’s day-to-day activities for a happy and peaceful life. In simple terms, maturity is an individual’s ability to discern and discriminate between the real and the unreal goals of life, and a conviction to pursue the real goals. The real goals being those where the focus is more on inner growth and development than solely on external accomplishments.
Unfortunately our education system and the society at large do not focus on the holistic development of individuals. All learning institutions are primarily geared towards physiological and intellectual development with the end goal being success in the material world. There is little or no attention given to develop one’s intrinsic (inner) personality by which strong, conscious, and purpose driven individuals are created who can be the real change-makers in society. The objective of education, right from childhood, is primarily to develop the extrinsic personality by honing the external aspects of an individual, including his physical appearance, intellectual qualifications, skills that could provide more money, better jobs, better social status and acceptance.
This results in a conditioned mindset of living a life in relative existence where we always tend to compare ourselves with others. This is further exacerbated by the ubiquity of social media where our desires are unconsciously kindled looking at the glitz and flamboyance of our others’ lives, leaving us unsatiated and ever wanting for more. An external idea of happiness takes precedence over inner sense of joy to the extent that outer appearance becomes all that matters. We start pretending to be someone we are not just to fit-in and find acceptance. This behaviour over time breeds a range of emotions in us, such as dissatisfaction, competition, greed, jealousy, anxiety, depression, and fear, thus depleting the happiness from our life in varying degrees. People either get overwhelmed and carried away by successes or get depressed by failures. In difficult times, they are gripped with emotional turmoil, fear, anxiety, and depression such that they lose their intellect and mental stability to face the situation and act in their best interest.
And hence, if the focus is just on the extrinsic personality development we will breed people who may have a high IQ or street smartness with successful careers or businesses, but deep down living an edgy and dissatisfied life. He/she may have deep pockets to buy him/her exotic vacations but not the mind to enjoy peace. This soon begins to reflect in one’s conduct and relationships at work, at home, and in social contexts. In the external sense of the world one might be very successful, but deep inside he may be emotionally drained and unhappy.
The irony is, even if one realises the cause of his emotional upheaval and distress he is unable to get rid of his mental suffering, because he hasn’t developed the inner maturity and strength. Most people try to avoid and run away from situations. They become victims of their own mind, which runs amok like an unleashed wild elephant, destroying everything around, but never finding peace.
This opens up some crucial questions that we should ask ourselves — “Is external (material) success without the foundation of a strong inner self really a measure of success in life?”, “What gives true happiness? — is it a mature mind that has found fulfilment and knows to be happy within, or one that is always discontent and comparing with others?”, “Isn’t having a balanced mindset much needed and a much greater skill to develop than developing some external aspects of your personality that would help you earn you a few extra bucks?.” “What is the true measure of success in life ? — Is it what you have or what you are?”
If we introspect and honestly answer these questions we would know where to focus in order to truly transform ourselves.
Read more: "The essence of Self transformation"
